Hockey Player Survives Sliced Carotid

That lucky hockey player in the middle is Richard Zednick. He is being helped off the ice after sustaining one of the worst Celebrity Illness injuries we have ever reported.

According to several sources, Zednik was circling the net behind the play and skating into the corner when Olli Jokinen was upended by Sabres forward Clarke MacArthur. Jokinen fell headfirst to the ice, and his right leg and skate flew up and struck Zednik directly on the side of the neck, slicing his right carotid artery.

Spears Taken Away in Ambulance... Again

It is not even that interesting but we do have a responsibility to report celebrities and their maladies so here goes: Britney was taken away by ambulance to UCLA Medical Center.

According to the Associated Press,

A Los Angeles police officer, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak on the matter, said the 26-year-old pop star was being taken to "get help" but did not give the ambulance's destination. The Los Angeles Times, citing unidentified authorities, said Spears was taken to UCLA Medical Center to be placed on a "mental evaluation hold." Center spokesman Mark Wheeler declined to comment to The Associated Press, citing privacy laws.

Spears' police escort included motorcycles, two cruisers, and two helicopters.

Heath Ledger Dead at 28

Heath Ledger is dead at 28. How many times can we do this type of Celebrity Illness column?

It is getting tiresome and terribly depressing to try and surmise what drug combination caused to the demise of such a young and talented person. The question we often ask ourselves is why som many of these actors and musicians display such high-risk behavior.

Ultimately, they will conclude that a combination of different medications and possibly narcotic (probably heroin) caused the death of Heath Ledger. There is no secret and no interesting differential to discuss here. For all of the details of the ongoing investigation read below.

Donda West: Our Best Guess On What Happened

Cases like that of Donda West are exactly why we started this column. When an unusual medical case enters the purview of the public forum , details are often murky at best and we are here to sort through the vague press releases and nonspecific symptomology to provide you with as accurate a medical assessment as possible. Please understand that we are not the physicians or caregivers in this scenario and are sort of akin to color commentators watching the evolution of an interesting, but sad, medical mystery i.e. please refrain from chastising us for being irresponsible.

Celebrity Illness: Clooney Cracks Rib

George Clooney took a break from his Lake Como digs to enjoy the beautiful scenery of Weehawken, NJ? Unfortunately, the scenic motor bike ride was marred by a slight amsh-up in which the actor fractured a rib and his girlfriend broke her foot when the two were knocked off his motorcycle the actor's spokesman said. Weehawken is probably most famous for its 15-second spot in the Sopranos intro as Tony exits the Lincoln Tunnel .

Clooney, 46, and his companion, Sarah Larson, were treated for their injuries at the Palisades Medical Center, across the Hudson River from Manhattan, and were released, spokesman Stan Rosenfield said.

"He was treated for a hairline fracture of a rib and road rash," he said. Larson, who was a passenger on the motorcycle driven by Clooney, suffered a broken foot. Both were wearing helmets.

Owen Wilson Attempts Suicide

Bush Probed from Below

For just over two hours this past weekend, Dick Cheney was your President. The reason? Dubya was having 5 hyperplastic polyps removed from his colon.

Typically, conscious sedation (e.g. Versed or Fentanyl) is administered for a screening colonoscopy since most people find it unpleasant to have a camera-headed tube inserted into their anus and advanced through their colon.

When Celebrities Get Exhausted

If It Smells Like A Duck

There are a few old adages that every doctor has heard a million times. Old clichés like Sutton’s Law ("Go where the money is"), "Don't chase zebras," and the Duck Prophecy, i..e. "If it walks like a duck, and sounds like a duck..." - you get the point.

As contrived as they sound, these worn-out tidbits are quite applicable on the floors of the hospital as it is easy to lose track of the forest through the trees. Comorbid illnesses, errant lab values, incomplete medical histories, and a slew of other variables can all contribute to making a relatively obvious diagnosis much less obvious.

This is Getting TB Ridiculous

One day after his 3rd sputum culture came back negative, the grandstanding has hit a fever pitch. Regardless of the microbiology or the actual facts of the case, politicians had there time in the TB spotlight today as the House of Representatives launched missives against the federal authorities in charge of stopping the Mycobacterial terrorist.

TB or Not TB: Isn't That the Question?

The only thing more confusing to me than this tuberculosis (TB) fiasco is how I am still the first to use this line for my title. The antagonist in the international bacterial bruhaha is a young personal injury lawyer who either knowingly or unknowingly flew off to his honeymoon in Greece with a multi-drug-resistant strain of TB (MDR-TB). Actually, the Associated Press reported yesterday that he had an even more resistant strain of Mycobacterium tuberculosis, called extremely drug-resistant TB (XDR-TB). Infectious disease is not my specialty but since when did we start assigning diseases cool prefixes that make them sound like luxury cars? We have heard rumors circulating that the 2008 model will be the YF-TB?

Paula Nose How to Create Some Drama

Someone above was looking out for StopPagingMe.com. We have been looking for an excuse to talk about the upcoming American Idol finale between the Keane-like, beat-boxing Blake and the smiley, It-factor-laden Jordin Sparks.

Our excuse to come clean about our Idol affinity came in the form of a broken nose. Not just any nose either, the nose of our favorite supportive and sedated judge, Paula!

Scientology or Science Fiction

Regis on the OR Schedule for CABG

Celebrity tak show host Regis Philbin dropped a bomb on his audience yesterday when he informed them that he would soon undergo coronary artery bypass surgery (CABG).

"I got to do it," Philbin said at the start of "Live With Regis & Kelly." "Darn it, I don't want to do it. Nobody wants to do it, I guess."

The diminutive but spry 75 yo male had been on a short hiatus, most likely to evaluate some ongoing chest pain issues that he had admitted to: "I had been feeling chest pains, you know, and, uh, shortness of breath and all those little symptoms that you hear about."

Depp's Daughter Recovering from Rusty Nail Infection